I was chatting with a friend the other day about my dilemma in dealing with Rowan not wanting to kiss particular people hello and goodbye.
On the one hand, I don’t want to force Rowan to give someone affection if he really doesn’t want to – it seems to go against the principle that if he doesn’t feel comfortable with some kind of intimacy with another person, then he should feel that he can say ‘no’.
On the other hand, it is polite manners in our society to kiss people, especially family members, even if they aren’t our favourite people.
My friend concurred that she had had the same issue with her little boy. The situation is even harder when meeting relatives for the first time – people who expect a kiss, even though the child has never set eyes on them before…
But my friend told me about a picture book that treats the anti-kissing dilemma. I Don’t Like Kisses – by Ricki Mainzer and illustrated by Donni Carter – is the story of a girl called Sam. Sam visits her grandparents every week, but she hates home-time because it means kisses-from-the-family. Auntie Bertha – scratching the little black spot on her cheek – Uncle Royston – twirling his walrus moustache and toothless Gramps all want their kisses.
After a heated tantrum, Sam herself comes up with a suggestion to solve the problem – ‘There are OTHER ways to say goodbye.”
And so Sam finds individual ways to say goodbye to each member of her family – a firm handshake for Uncle Oscar, a pat on the back from Aunt Olive and a loving ruffle on the head from Gramps.
I know that Rowan sometimes feels more comfortable giving someone a high-five, than he does giving kisses, and this is the same idea. Convincing the adult involved that kisses aren’t compulsary is the only remaining issue…
The copy I have been lent is a 1992 Five Mile Press Australian publication – and now out of print. If you are lucky you might find a copy secondhand or at your library…
Anyone else found some good strategies for this issue, or know of other books that deal with this situation?
Cute (and funny) post!
This book doesn’t really “solve” the issue, but it is a cute one about Momo the little monkey who can’t believe someone invented kissing and wishes people he doesn’t even know wouldn’t kiss him! But, then a new baby brother comes along and he realizes sometimes kissing is just the thing to do!
http://www.amazon.com/More-Kissing-Emma-Chichester-Clark/dp/0385746199